Michael Caine has journalists in fits of laughter at the Cannes Film Festival

CANNES, France – Michael Caine was in top form at a press conference for his latest film, “Youth,” by Paolo Sorrentino — and had journalists in fits of laughter with his witty responses. Here are some of the highlights:

ON WHY HE HASN’T BEEN TO CANNES FOR DECADES

“I came to Cannes 50 years ago with a movie called ‘Alfie.’ ‘Alfie’ won a prize and I didn’t, so I never came back. I’m not going all that way for nothing.”

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ON THE DOWNSIDE OF AGEING

In “the poster for the movie it’s us two old guys in a swimming pool looking at a beautiful girl with no clothes on and I think that describes ‘Youth.’ We’re just looking at what we lost and what we’re never going to get again. And it’s very sad. The poster makes me cry.”

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ON YOUNGSTERS NOT KNOWING HIS OLDER WORK

“I get stopped in the streets by 12-year-olds and asked for my autograph. They have no idea who I am. I’m Batman’s butler, that’s all it is.”

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ON CHOICES FOR OLDER ACTORS

“The only alternative to playing elderly people is playing dead people. So I’m quite smart, I picked elderly people.”

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ON MEETING QUEEN ELIZABETH

“She knighted me once … and I nearly got into trouble because she said … ‘I have a feeling you have been doing what you do for a very long time.’ And I almost said: ‘And so have you.’ Michael, keep your mouth shut — you’re about to lose your knighthood.”

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ON THE QUEEN’S HUMOR

I was at a party with her once and there was a very dull man on her other side and she eventually turned to me and said: ‘Mr Caine, do you know any jokes?’ I said: ‘None that I can tell you’ … She has a great sense of humour.”