GOG: Time could have left a few things alone

I’m not given to bleating on about “the good old days” but you have to admit, there are some things that were good before, and now they’re terrible. Here are a few that slapped me in the face recently:

Power Outlets. You used to be able to put a plug in the socket either way round, which was perfectly safe and everything worked just as it was supposed to. Then a government moron decided to pass some sort of stupid law that one pin had to be bigger than the other so now they only go in one way round. In theory you have a 50/50 chance of getting it right first time. But it doesn’t work like that does it? The law of asymmetrical plugs trumps the law of averages every bloody time.

Taxis. In the old days taxis were enormous, comfortable barges driven by affable chaps called Bill or Jim who carried your bags and knew where all the best bars were. Now if you can even find a taxi it will be driven by someone who has no idea how to get to where you’re going, or even how to operate the vehicle, which will be a horrid little Toyota that smells of sick.

Policemen. One night a long, long time ago I was trying to walk home after a particularly enjoyable evening out, and couldn’t quite remember where I lived. Or where I was. Or how I got there. Or what year it was. I found a policeman and asked him to help me. He worked out where I resided and took me home. If I tried that today I would be frisked, handcuffed, tasered, driven out of town and dumped by the side of the road. And yet back then we could fearlessly leave our houses unlocked and our keys in our cars and happily let our children go off with strangers. Some of them even came back.

Going Out. It used to be you could take your best girl to the movies, see a charming romantic comedy with real actors in it, cross the street for fish and chips and still come home with more money than you started with. Now the movies contain nothing but vulgar, unfunny comedians and computerized explosions, you have to wear stupid plastic spectacles to stop the screen being all fuzzy and they want $300 for a box of popcorn and some watery cola. At least there’s still television.

Television. Modern television proves beyond any shadow of a doubt that there is such a thing as too much choice. In the old days there were three channels and we’d all watch the same thing and talk about it the next day. Now there are 3 million channels and chances are anyone you want to talk to about your favourite show has spent the weekend glued to The Quilting Channel or weeping in the dark over some bleak Swedish police drama on Netflix.

Attention Spans.

— The Grumpy Old Git would never call it bleating.