Colts RT Braden Smith continues to find coping techniques for his mental health struggles

INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — Indianapolis Colts right tackle Braden Smith felt the dark thoughts creeping back into his mind before last weekend’s game.

This time, though, he won the battle.

After missing Indy’s final five games last season because of severe obsessive-compulsive disorder that led him to contemplate suicide, the former Auburn lineman is thriving again now that he’s learned how to cope with the condition.

“I felt very eager to prove something to myself,” Smith said Wednesday. “Every day for me is really a victory because of everything that happened last year. Just being able to actually, truly enjoy life, there’s kind of this power that’s kind of harnessed when you’re able to identify the problem. You know these things still creep in, like I remember Sunday morning some stuff crept and I was like, ‘I know what this is,’ and I used the tools. I was able to set it aside. I was like, ‘All right, you know these things still happen.’ OCD is still part of my life, it’s just how I manage it.”

Getting to this point — staying positive and focusing on the joys of life — so he could be the husband and father he strives to be and the teammate he wants to be, took the 6-foot-6, 312-pound Kansan on a long, unimaginable journey.

Smith was diagnosed with religious scrupulosity. The condition is driven by anxiety about engaging in actions that might offend God or could be seen as blasphemous and can lead to obsessive behaviors such as constant prayer or repeated repentance. In Smith’s case, it meant trying to be perfect in every way.

He started seeing a psychologist early last season after telling his wife, Courtney, he would retire at the end of the season if the condition didn’t improve. In November, he checked into a mental health facility in Colorado, where he spent 48 days.

When that proved only minimally helpful, Smith traveled to Mexico, where he used a psychoactive compound, ibogaine, that is not legal in the U.S. but has been used to treat addictions, post-traumatic stress disorder, traumatic brain injuries, anxiety and depression.

It changed his life.

“This is me versus my OCD and I, kind of like I said, going back to my values, I know who I am and that’s a big part of it,” Smith said. “When I had OCD, I don’t truly feel like I knew who I was, but I feel like I have a better idea of who I am now, and I can always lean on that.”

The key, he said, is staying focused on the here and now, and not letting his thoughts drift.

At home, the new approach helped Smith accept that attempting to do the right things is good enough.

On the field, it helped revive a once-promising career that had been derailed by injuries. He missed seven games in 2023 with various ailments, then missed the last five games in 2024 when he said he was “physically present but nowhere to be found.”

Now he’s playing the kind of football Indy envisioned when it signed him to a four-year, $72.4 million contract extension in July 2021 — perhaps even better than the Pro Bowl level coaches thought he competed at prior to 2023. Smith and his teammates along the line have paved the way for a Colts team that has the NFL’s best record and top rusher and has allowed the second-fewest sacks.

Along the way, Smith has leaned on a strong supporting cast inside the locker room of a team that has invested heavily in “Kicking The Stigma,” a campaign to promote mental health awareness.

“I respect Braden Smith wholeheartedly, just for taking the time out for himself to really maximize his well-being, not only for himself, but for his family,” cornerback Kenny Moore II said. “I’ve had a lot of conversations with Braden through the time or probably post that time where he was going through a lot, and I just have a lot of respect and love as a brother and as a friend for my teammate.”

But as Smith knows, his battle is not over.

Periodically, obsessive thoughts may return and when they do, Smith has a plan. He’s not thinking ahead to next week, whether he’ll re-sign with Indy next year or even if he’ll be playing football next season. Instead, he’s learned how to stay focused on the present.

“I’m honestly grateful for last year because without it, I wouldn’t have such a self-awareness of how I think, how I go about things,” he said. “I learned a lot about myself through it, and you know I’m a better husband because of it, a better father because of it, a better teammate and I’m continuing to grow as a person. My journey isn’t over yet. I still have a lot of room to grow and learn, and I look forward to that.”

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