THOMPSON: Costco is like Disney World for adults

Costco is to adults what Disney World is to kids. If you don’t believe that…go to a Costco…and simply observe. Look first at those scanning their membership cards, then shopping and finally…leaving the store. The pupils of their eyes are fully dilated…for grownups, Costco is the “happiest place on Earth.”

I’m probably not the typical Costco shopper…but then, again, maybe I’m not all that different either. I have to be honest, shopping at malls and big box stores – where finding a parking place seems like winning a small lottery – never excites me.

I’ve been to Costco twice this month. That is a record. Oh, it won’t ever be in The Guinness Book of World Records…but for me it’s like admitting an addiction. That’s a little disturbing…and yet I confess the unbridled satisfaction of coming home with a 33.8-ounce bottle of Grade A Dark Amber Maple Syrup for $14.74.

I’m writing this the very day I spent $405.76 at a Costco in Florida…that’s god knows how much in Canadian dollars. Costco knows how to suck you in…make you forget about circling the lot for a place to park…just to give them money.

It was 12:30 P.M. on a Sunday, and first things first…Bonnie and I headed to the Costco Food Court self-service kiosk. Just 38 seconds after ordering two Costco hotdogs, a Diet Coke and Regular Coke and paying only $3…I picked up lunch for the two of us.

Am I in a good mood? You bet…a great hot dog lunch for two for $3? That’s the same price as 40 years ago at Costco. Adjusted for inflation alone, the cost should be $8.80 today. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

Completely satisfied, we set upon shopping at Costco. Adults rolling an empty shopping cart down the first aisle, again, is a little like kids passing through the ticket entrance booth at Disney World…so many things to do…so little time.

How dazzling can it be? We had a shopping list…in my pocket along with a pen to cross items off. The list never came out of my pocket. Instead, I suggested we simply go down every aisle. This strategy, we agreed, would ensure we left with everything we needed…and then some.

There’s, of course, a fundamental flaw in the “let’s-go-down-every-aisle” strategy. It can’t be done. Oh, you can do it for a few aisles. Then – perhaps because of the store layout – you’re distracted…much like a child at Disney World who sees Mickey and The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror at the same moment. What to do?

I can tell you…we missed picking up the Kirkland Signature Italian Basil Pesto…which was missed the previous trip to Costco, as well. We missed the honey garlic sausages, too…along with a bag of lemons…and the life-time supply of peppercorns.

I took some solace…overhearing a husband ask his wife, “Are we going to wander aimlessly?” By hitting a fair number of aisles, we did pick up things not on our imaginary list…impulse buys.

How can you pass up a two-litre bottle of highly rated extra-virgin olive oil for $19.74? We didn’t pass on the two-pound bag of pecan halves for $11.99 either.

Still, there are some things I wonder, “Who would buy this?” Or possibly, “Who would eat this?” For example, who needs a vat of ranch dressing that provides more than 9,000 calories.

And while I like honey as much as the next guy…apparently the next guy can buy a 60-pound bucket of Honey Bee Honey for just $103. I passed, too, on the 6.6-pound tub of Nutella for $20. As a Southerner by birth, I grew up with a mom cooking with lard…but she never bought a 50-pound bucket of the stuff…at any price.

If you think the world is soon coming to an end…why not buy 600 cans of food weighing 1,800 pounds that can feed a family of four for a year? It includes dairy products and freeze-dried fruits and veggies, grains and more, most with a 25- to 30-year shelf life…all for $6,000. Have a nice day!

No doubt there were bargains in the Dairy Room…but it was colder in there than Winnipeg this week…and I was wearing shorts…after all, it’s Florida. There were other aisles…but some were simply too scary. How can you have that many different granolas and trail mixes?

Just for the record…an individually wrapped granola bar that weighs .85 of an ounce has 120 calories…and a three-inch diameter apple has 95 calories, less sugar and fat and more antioxidants. Want a nutritional snack? Eat an apple…you can get a dozen for $5 at Costco.

If you’re a Costco shopper, it’s a good idea to understand the pricing at Costco. If a product ends in 69 cents or 74 cents, for example, $9.69…it is a manufacturer’s deal with the savings passed on to customers or a Costco special promotion. If a product price ends in 99 cents…it’s regular pricing…but still might beat other retailers. If it’s 97 cents…that’s a clearance item…and the price will never be lower.

Costco – like so many grocery and soft goods retailers – makes a relatively small margin on selling products…about 3 percent. The company profitability comes from membership fees…$65 for Gold or Business Memberships and $130 for Executive Memberships. The fees are the same for the U.S. and Canada, and represent nearly 70 percent of the company’s profit.

All things said, for me the best part of going to Costco…is leaving Costco. Sure, I feel great about getting good values for my money…but regret maneuvering a shopping cart through other shoppers wandering aimlessly or blocking the aisles eating free food handouts rather than paying the $1.50 for a hotdog.

When I got home, I took my Costco shopping list out of my pocket for the first time…and transferred Kirkland Signature Italian Basil Pesto to a new shopping list…for the third time.