Andria Parker

CLEARLY MY BOYFRIEND HAS NO IDEA WHAT 'STRAIGHT' MEANS AND THIS WAS A PROBLEM. There’s an old couple’s adage — that’s probably now a meme — that says thou shalt not hang wallpaper together. The thing is, Urban Outfitters has this super cute metallic silver and black print stuff that I just knew was going...

When the option exists to have a bath with bubbles, rarely have I ever decided to opt for having a bath without bubbles. Something about staring into the clear, wrinkly water at the curves of what may not be considered ideal in Hollywood makes me uncomfortable. I want the illusion that I am peering down...

In 2010, a spotlight-obsessed woman we all sort-of felt badly for already decided to blow the minds of young twenty-something girls everywhere and get a new face. Heidi Montag – AKA the one on The Hills who ditched her girlfriends for her borderline emotionally-abusive boyfriend — showed up after being MIA for an abnormal amount...

“I can’t have fun this week,” I said to a girlfriend, “I’m cleansing." Lucky for me, I’m not entirely crazy. It’s not like I decided to be Beyoncé and do the Master Cleanse for three months straight — I simply have to take a couple “multi-system cleaning” pills in the morning and eat nothing I...

I moved into a new-to-me apartment this week that overlooks the Georgia Strait and the entire downtown Vancouver skyline. The rent pretty much means I can no longer eat, but seriously, the view is to die for. As my team of movers — aka loved ones — dropped off boxes in the empty rooms each...

I never thought I would be the kind of woman to shop for wallpaper. I never thought I would be the kind of woman to lattice my own pie, to have a bath in a tub full of oatmeal, or to use clothes pegs to hang artwork, but I have a Pinterest account and these...

I have always been very adamant and outspoken about the fact I do not like chardonnay. I tell people, all snotty, “It’s too bland,” “there’s too much oak,” or once, “I can taste the winemaker’s toes.” Of course, these are all lies. I wouldn’t know the taste of oak if I bit a tree. The...

“You should read this,” my mother said as she thrust a copy of this month’s Chatelaine at me. “It talks about why you should take a break from booze for a month.” She said this in the tone that is so nonchalantly over enthusiastic I knew she was actually just telling me what to do....

There is a great scene in one of the Sex and the City episodes in which Carrie Bradshaw thinks driving standard for the first time in twenty years is like remembering how to ride a bike. She makes this mistake on a hill. I’ve been driving an old 5-speed through the city for the past...

On any given Sunday morning you will find me chatting up beautiful aging ladies in a church hall over mediocre mugs of creamy coffee. On any given Sunday night you will find me chatting up leathered aging bachelors in a dimly-lit bar over mediocre cocktails. Just to clarify — in case either of my bosses...

The other day I got my first real pay check in two years and I immediately went and got my nails done, because I have priorities. Actually, first I called James, the guy who calls me twice a day from TD Canada Trust asking when I can pay down my student line of credit that...

Two weeks ago, closing the bar for the fourth night in a row, I blew a hole through the sole in my Converse sneakers. I’ve had them since I was 15, so I wasn’t devastated like I would have been if they were my polka-dot Kate Spade “walking shoes,” but I was disappointed. Those sneakers...

The first picture of the four of us was taken by the front door in her house. We didn’t have to beckon for her mother to come and take it either. Two gothic Disney princesses, an alien dressed like sporty spice, and a cowgirl before they wore short shorts stood, arms around each other, smiling....

This week, I heard a saying that inspired great thought. It went something like, “If it sounds like a gallop, it’s probably a horse — not a zebra.” I’ve been repeating it daily — not as a mantra, but as a reminder — because I like to panic about the little things, and I often...

My alter ego’s name is Sarah Hunter and she has huge knockers and blonde hair, but she’s not a bimbo. She currently lives in Alabama, on the run from her ex-husband who also happens to be a werewolf, but she doesn’t know this yet. All Sarah knows is that the county sheriff is a babe...