Opinion General

I can't wait to get off work and see my baby she'll be waiting up with a magazine for me clean the bathrooms, clean um good oh you're lovin I wish you would come down here and sweepameoffmyfeet this broom'll have to be my baby if I hurry I just might get off before the...

This morning I ate a lemon cranberry scone from Starbucks. Now, I have undoubtedly admitted way worse things on the Internet before, but even typing those words out makes me feel morbidly ashamed. You see, in a grandiose attempt to become Victoria’s Secret ready for the interior’s blazing inferno summer season, I made the call...

Someone needs to stop the do-gooders. Please. Before it’s too late. They’re gathering their minivans together like locusts, feasting on good sense, forcing politicians to flee like wasteland farmers to Victoria to do something, anything. Because WON’T ANYBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN? If someone doesn’t rein them in, your days of 'distracted driving' and mine...

The snow has melted, the sun shines. Which can only mean any time now the only roads worth driving will be once again clogged with packs of brightly-coloured bicyclists. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against bicycles. I used to have one myself, rode it everywhere. Before I learned to drive, that is. Of course...

'Cause I gonna make you see There's nobody else here No one like me I'm special so special I gotta have some of your attention give it to me (Chrissie Hynde/Pretenders, “Brass In Pocket”) Writers are, for the most part, a very bad lot. Full stop. The only professionals more egregiously whorish and pimpish than...

On my fifth birthday I managed to convince my mother to host a neighbourhood-wide masquerade party in my honour. If this request of mine doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about me, it’s because you’re a passive reader. To spare you the humiliation, though, I’ll tell you the full story as a means...