Opinion General

LOEWEN: Letter to a younger ‘bro’

'THEY WON'T ADMIT IT; BUT SOME OLD DUDES HATE YOU FOR THIS IN-BORN GENIUS OF YOURS' You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face And show the world all the love in your heart Then people gonna treat you better You're gonna find, yes, you will That you're beautiful as...

PARKER: I don’t want to grow up

ACCIO, FUTURE! On Thursday afternoon at 4 p.m. on the dot I handed in my last university paper. It only had to be 1,250 words, so — naturally — I wrote 1,000 and included a 300 word title. That’s just the way I do. The first thing I did after handing it in was cry...

EDITOR’S NOTE: All your news at a glance

EDITOR’S NOTE: Our focus each day is gathering and presenting news and information with the greatest impact on your daily life and most often, that comes from local reporters right here in your city. But not always. That’s why we also bring you some of the best reporting in the country through Canadian Press, so...

JONESIE: The trouble with apologies

So yes, I was grumpy. Fine, I admit it. I’d already spent 15 hours of a badly-needed weekend behind the wheel. So there’s that. And my trip was to Calgary and back so needn't say more, right? But so what, big deal. “This isn’t a 'purple truck,'” my wife said. “And it’s not a truck,...

LOEWEN: Exorcising the toxic manager

'TAKE HEART. IF YOU STAND YOUR GROUND, YOU'LL PROBABLY BE FINE.' I ain't gonna work for Maggie's brother no more nah, I ain't gonna work for Maggie's brother no more Well, he hands you a nickel And he hands you a dime And he asks you with a grin If you're havin' a good time...

PARKER: Resisting the call of the freedom marketers

THE COST OF FLOWER CROWNS AND DANCING IN DUST This week on the Internet there are two kinds of people — those who went to Coachella, and those who are bitching about not going to Coachella. It happens every year in April. Music festival season kicks off and hundreds of thousands of soul-seeking, fashion-forward, bohemian-hippy...

JONESIE: Sorting fragile secrets one email at a time

Sorry, Mrs. Lee, I’m not returning your email. Nice try, but you know darn well I didn’t place an order with your shipping company. I won’t be hiring programmers from India, either. No, I don’t need your SEO. I don’t care if he's a Nigerian prince, I am not giving you access to my bank...

LOEWEN: The Return of The Messiah: The humanities reborn?

'THE MESSIAH MAY HAVE RETURNED. HIS NAME IS HARRISON ARGATOFF.' Well I've been faithful And I've been so good Except for drinking But he knew that I would I'm gonna leave this place better Than the way I found it was And Jesus gonna be here Be here soon (Tom Waits, “Jesus Gonna Be Here”)...

GOG: Fine, I’ll go, but I won’t like it

I’ve been invited to a party. I don’t like parties. No one likes parties. Secretly we’d all rather be sitting quietly at home with a glass of Shiraz and Margaret Atwood. But instead we congregate in someone’s ugly kitchen and pretend we’re having fun. It won’t be fun. It will be hell. There will be...

PARKER: When life imitates Instagram

Once, in the middle of a breakup, I had a boyfriend turn to me and say: “This is because I don’t Instagram enough, isn’t it?” To be fair, I’m pretty sure his full thought was something about not being a creative, free-spirit type — and that’s not even why we were breaking up — but...

JONESIE: Just because you can say it, doesn’t mean you should

I must be getting old because I think I’m feeling nostalgic for old rules in the news publishing business. Doesn’t sound like me. Old newspaper rules that make no sense today must fade out, change or die.  Publish a submitted news release? For some, sure, why not? Space isn’t a problem and re-writing press releases...

LOEWEN: At your service 24/7

I can't wait to get off work and see my baby she'll be waiting up with a magazine for me clean the bathrooms, clean um good oh you're lovin I wish you would come down here and sweepameoffmyfeet this broom'll have to be my baby if I hurry I just might get off before the...

GOG: All these buttons and not a single one for Ovaltine?

This week I decided to take a mad leap into the twentieth century and buy a Radar Range, apparently now known as a 'microwave oven.' All I wanted was a machine to heat my porridge in the morning and my Ovaltine at bedtime. Put the mug in, turn the dial, hit 'Start' and presto, steamy...

PARKER: In defence of the muffin top

This morning I ate a lemon cranberry scone from Starbucks. Now, I have undoubtedly admitted way worse things on the Internet before, but even typing those words out makes me feel morbidly ashamed. You see, in a grandiose attempt to become Victoria’s Secret ready for the interior’s blazing inferno summer season, I made the call...